just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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