Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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