I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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