I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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