she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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