Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
