You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
