M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Green mimosas i think yes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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