Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
