did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
