I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
