Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
