Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
