So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
