I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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