grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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