I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry about my life...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
