you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
