if i can run in heels then i can drive
operation harelip BJ is a go
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
