There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
