She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
