Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
