i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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