worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
