You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize