I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
