His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We left the knife in your bed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
