She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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