my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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