i just google imaged poop.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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