Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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