Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
