Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
birth control should be required to get into college
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
