May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
