my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
