So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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