This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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