I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize