so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize