I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
