Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
