GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize