Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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