haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
