I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize