barbara walters just said penis...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
