You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
