I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
