totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
