I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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