we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
