Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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