Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
