I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize