It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
