NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize