I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
