I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
