just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
