i wish my penis had a tongue
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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