I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
