HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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