Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
