mondays should just be called national damage control day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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