also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
