im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
