You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
