I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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