break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
