oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
