omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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