He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
