porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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