i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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