Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize