i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
