dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize